redaction d'anglais ^^ - Page 1

J'ai une redaction d'anglais( c court ~200 mots) pour demain et j'ai vraiment pas d'idees, je fais que de la merde...en plus je galère au niveau des temps alors ce serait sympa si qqun pouvait me corriger les fautes et pourquoi pas, m'apporter qques idees
merci d'avance.

If you won 40millions would you stop working ? Explain why or not.

If I won 40millions at the lottery, my first idea will be to stop working and to have fun : to buy a new car, to travel, to have a piscine in my garden, to give presents to my family and to my friends, to give money to a charity... and only think about the present. But quickly, I'm going to realize that this gain will be diminish and that, few years later, it will stay nothing and if I didn't have worked, I will live in miserables conditions, with for only remember my wealth of yesterday. So, I would continue my job in order to protect from my future and my retirement. I have the solution to invest my money at the bank with an attractive interest rate or maybe I would buy some apartments in a rich district of Paris to praise them. But, the best solution is in my opinion to found my own enterprise with the money I won and so, this gain would be a new origin of income. In that case, my money will be use in smart conditions. To top it all, working in my enterprise would be an occupation : people often reproaches the work to occupy their time and to prevent them to have fun but they don't realize that if they stop working their life must become boring, and that few months or years later, they wouldn't know what to do and they risk to use drugs or to go down in alcoholism...
So, for all these reasons, I wouldn't stop working.

DTC !

!slap liquid
• sabrina slaps liquid around a bit with a large trout !


sinan merci laura

C'est 40 millions de quoi de dollars de lires sterlings d'euro??

tu peut dire que le travail favorise les échanges d'odre relationnel que le fait de t'isoler ds une grde villa etc...risquerai de te couper des autres que le travail permet de te maintenir intellectuellement a niveau,que le travail est stimulant entretient ton organisme ....

(sinon pour la corrections en anglais faut pas trop compter sur moi because my english isn't very good)

vi c'est certes bcp plus approfondi mais c'est 200 mots cad TRES TRES court, et si on se lance la dedans c'est mort....

C'est juste des idées s'il manque qq ptit mot par ci par la pour combler les blancs .

non mais pour 200 mots, le contenu est parfait, c'est juste la forme qu'il aurait fallu ameliorer, ceci dit si je me serais foulé à améliorer si on m'avzit demandé ça

ok, en gros qu'est ce qu'il faudrait améliorer ds la forme, stp ?

une intro
tu dis : "2 possibilités : arreter et vivre comme un riche qui ne fout rien de ses journees, continuer a taffer mais en etant riche"
tu developpes les 2 choix separement (avantages, inconvenients), puis tu conclues. et puis tu peux rajouter que bosser à mi-temps c'est pas si mal, encore faut il avec pas mal d'activités en dehors du taff

mais bon, en 200 mots on peut pas placer gd chose

perso si je gagnais, je continuerais mes etudes normalement (enfin je me ferais plaisir, ça c clair) et je garderai la plupart du fric pour monter mon entreprise

ok v faire ça.
en fait d'habitude je fais toujours intro/developpement/conclusion mais on me retire des points pke c trop long
rien que là ça fait déjà environ 230 mais bon, j'écrirais petit
surtout que là g develloppé principalement que la seconde thèse ...

... et tu crois qu'en ecrivant petit ca diminuera le nbre de mots ?

nan mais elle verra pas que c trop long

Bon, qques modifs et rajouts afin d'obtenir un plan classique




If by chance I won 40millions at the lottery, two possibilities report to me : to stop working and so doing nothing and waste my time or to continue courageously to work...What is the better solution to adopt ?

My first idea will be to stop working and to have fun : to buy a new car, to have a piscine in my garden, to give presents to my family and to my friends, to give money to a charity, and to top it all I would travel a lot since i'm fond of discovering new countries, languages and habits... and only think about the present. It's understandable since a lot of my current matters would desappear. Why working if I can live in opulence without make me tired ? With my free time, I would be able to realize all the thinks I always dreamed of !

But quickly, I'm going to realize that this gain will be diminish and that, few years later, it will stay nothing and if I didn't have worked, I will live in miserables conditions, with for only remember my wealth of yesterday. So, I would continue my job in order to protect from my future and my retirement and because work favours relationships. I have the solution to invest my money at the bank with an attractive interest rate or maybe I would buy some apartments in a rich district of Paris to praise them. But, the best solution is in my opinion to found my own enterprise with the money I won and so, this gain would be a new origin of income. In that case, my money will be use in smart conditions. To top it all, working in my enterprise would be an occupation : people often reproaches the work to occupy their time and to prevent them to have fun but they don't realize that if they stop working their life must become boring, and that few months or years later, they wouldn't know what to do and they risk to use drugs or to go down in alcoholism...

So, for all these reasons, I wouldn't stop working.


pour ça

le travail permet de te maintenir intellectuellement a niveau,que le travail est stimulant entretient ton organisme ....

j'hesite à le caser car je vois pas trop où le mettre sans que ça parte ds tt les sens

oué enfin c pas en travaillant à l'usine que ton intellect va se maintenir, je serais mm tenté de penser le contraire

sinan le reste ça va pour la forme maintenant ?

Sabrina :
Bon, qques modifs et rajouts afin d'obtenir un plan classique




If by chance I won 40millions at the lottery, two possibilities report to me : to stop working and so doing nothing and waste my time or to continue courageously to work...What is the better solution to adopt ?

My first idea will be to stop working and to have fun : to buy a new car, to have a piscine in my garden, to give presents to my family and to my friends, to give money to a charity, and to top it all I would travel a lot since i'm fond of discovering new countries, languages and habits... and only think about the present. It's understandable since a lot of my current matters would desappear. Why working if I can live in opulence without make me tired ? With my free time, I would be able to realize all the thinks I always dreamed of !

But quickly, I'm going to realize that this gain will be diminish and that, few years later, it will stay nothing and if I didn't have worked, I will live in miserables conditions, with for only remember my wealth of yesterday. So, I would continue my job in order to protect from my future and my retirement and because work favours relationships. I have the solution to invest my money at the bank with an attractive interest rate or maybe I would buy some apartments in a rich district of Paris to praise them. But, the best solution is in my opinion to found my own enterprise with the money I won and so, this gain would be a new origin of income. In that case, my money will be use in smart conditions. To top it all, working in my enterprise would be an occupation : people often reproaches the work to occupy their time and to prevent them to have fun but they don't realize that if they stop working their life must become boring, and that few months or years later, they wouldn't know what to do and they risk to use drugs or to go down in alcoholism...

So, for all these reasons, I wouldn't stop working.

allez, corrige moi ça

liquid
:

Sabrina :
Bon, qques modifs et rajouts afin d'obtenir un plan classique




If by chance I won 40millions at the lottery, two possibilities report to me : to stop working and so doing nothing and wasting my time or to continue courageously to work...What is the better solution to adopt ?

My first idea would be to stop working and to have fun : to buy a new car, to have a piscine in my garden, to give presents to my family and to my friends, to give a charity some money, and to top it all I would travel a lot since i'm fond of discovering new countries, languages and habits... and only think about the present. It's understandable since a lot of my current matters would desappear. Why working if I can live in opulence without make me tired ? With my free time, I would be able to realize all the things I always dreamed of !

But quickly, Iwould realize that this gain will be diminish and that, few years later, it will stay nothing and if I didn't have worked, I will live in miserables conditions, with for only remember my wealth of yesterday. So, I would continue my job in order to protect from my future and my retirement and because work favours relationships. I have the solution to invest my money at the bank with an attractive interest rate or maybe I would buy some apartments in a rich district of Paris to praise them. But, the best solution is in my opinion to found my own enterprise with the money I won and so, this gain would be a new origin of income. In that case, my money will be used in smart conditions. To top it all, working in my enterprise would be an occupation : people often reproaches the work to occupy their time and to prevent them to have fun but they don't realize that if they stopped working their life would be boring, and that few months or years later, they wouldn't know what to do and they risk to use drugs or to go down in alcoholism...

So, for all these reasons, I wouldn't stop working.

allez, corrige moi ça

valà mais si ça se trouve g refait d'autres fautes
pour ce qui est resté je vois pas ce qui cloche
?

by chance : franglais ==> fortunately
dreamed : rahhh verbe irregulier !!! dreamt
apartments ==> flats
risk => would risk
would become boring => would get boring ()
courageously to work => va me chercher un autre adverbe !!!

Sabrina
:

liquid
:

Sabrina :
Bon, qques modifs et rajouts afin d'obtenir un plan classique




If by chance I won 40millions at the lottery, two possibilities report to me : to stop working and so doing nothing and wasting my time or to continue courageously to work...What is the better solution to adopt ?

My first idea would be to stop working and to have fun : to buy a new car, to have a piscine in my garden, to give presents to my family and to my friends, to give a charity some money, and to top it all I would travel a lot since i'm fond of discovering new countries, languages and habits... and only think about the present. It's understandable since a lot of my current matters would desappear. Why working if I can live in opulence without make me tired ? With my free time, I would be able to realize all the things I always dreamed of !

But quickly, Iwould realize that this gain will be diminish and that, few years later, it will stay nothing and if I didn't have worked, I will live in miserables conditions, with for only remember my wealth of yesterday. So, I would continue my job in order to protect from my future and my retirement and because work favours relationships. I have the solution to invest my money at the bank with an attractive interest rate or maybe I would buy some apartments in a rich district of Paris to praise them. But, the best solution is in my opinion to found my own enterprise with the money I won and so, this gain would be a new origin of income. In that case, my money will be used in smart conditions. To top it all, working in my enterprise would be an occupation : people often reproaches the work to occupy their time and to prevent them to have fun but they don't realize that if they stopped working their life would be boring, and that few months or years later, they wouldn't know what to do and they risk to use drugs or to go down in alcoholism...

So, for all these reasons, I wouldn't stop working.

allez, corrige moi ça

valà mais si ça se trouve g refait d'autres fautes
pour ce qui est resté je vois pas ce qui cloche
?

en tt k marchi
Bon c recopié mais ça fait + de 400mots
normalement la note c pour mardi

Lol t'abuse un peu ^^ 400mots

A l'aide
g une rédac d'anglais pour mercredi : de 150mots
Do you like travels? Would you like to visit Ireland or Austalia? Why?
Merci

et alors ?
faudrait qu'on te la fasse en entier ?
déjà tu remontes mon topic pour un truc qui n'a rien à voir avec mon sujet et en plus faudrait qu'on te la fasse entièrement ?
si t'as envie qu'on t'aide fais comme moi, fais TOI MEME ta rédaction et on pourra te la corriger et y ajouter des idées, mais de là à te porter le travail sur un plateau d'argent tu peux rêver !
surtout que ce sujet réclame *ton* avis personnel, alors on peut pas savoir pour toi si t'as envie d'aller en Irlande !

hep didie, connard(e), 150 mots ça se fait en 10-15 min montre en main avec un dico et avec le temps de se relire alors nous pete pas les couilles et demerde toi

ça se dit connarde

-rd+ss

bien sur que non ça ne se dit pas

J'ai une rédac' à faire en anglais pour cette semaine, voici le sujet : Would you like to study in an english speaking country ? WIch one ? Why ?.
Donc si kk1 avait des idées ou même un plan sa sré super de me répondre, merci d'avence !
@++

raaaaaaaaaah
mais commence à bosser un minimum par toi même avant de demander l'aide des autres !
et relis les /22. !